Will the benches clear tonight for Fonzi?

If I were starting tonight for the Houston Astros I'd make sure I nailed Chicago Cubs frolicking left fielder Alfonso Soriano with a ball square on his hip.

The over the top celebration is a staple of Soriano and his man-crush John Cena and Monday night's walk-off grand slam was a good time to bust out the "You can't see me."

But act like you've done it before for God-sakes.

It's not like I wouldn't behave in the same way but then again I've never hit a home run in anything other than wiffle ball before. And if you're going to have a staple celebration, pick something specific.

First, he started with a long glare at the majestic fly for a few seconds, he was standing still, admiring the ball. Then a slow trot around the bases was punctuated by the signature Cena celebration/intimidation move/marketing gimmick.

That was all fine and dandy even with the mob at home plate. It's just a basic walk-off celebration in the MLB.

But making out with your wife and essentially jumping into the crowd to cap the celebration? Enough already.

Soriano showed up the other team and he should expect to get plunked. No big deal. Just make sure Big Z knows that.

Alfonso Soriano 4 Carlos Lee 1

Soriano is smoking in the sixth spot, especially after a walk-off slam!

Carlos Lee might have hit the longest home run of the night. But Alfonso Soriano hit the most important one.

Long story short, it bailed out Lou Piniella's questionable managing and Mike Fontenot's poor execution. But a win is a win is a win. And by the slimmest of margins, the Cubs are still in first place.

Cubs 5 Astros 1 [Yahoo! Sports]

Whipping Boys Lead Cubs Back Into First Place

Kevin Gregg, my bad. Most of the season, you've been among the most frustrating player I've ever witnessed as a Cubs fan. You wear goofy goggles and your throwing motion has been compared to one of a batting practice pitcher.

But even I, your biggest detractor, can't help but give you a tip of the cap for what you have done.

Believe it or not, Gregg has gotten better as the season has moved on. In April, his batting average against was .282 and that has dropped to .169 in July. On May 1, his earned run average was a robust 5.91. Now it sits at 3.42. Over the last month, Gregg has a 1.84 ERA, a 0.95 WHIP while racking up 10 saves and punching out 14 hitters in 15 innings pitched.

Not bad for a guy that nobody wanted.

He'll never be confused for Mariano Rivera, but if he continues to get three outs without blowing the lead in the ninth, the Cubs all of a sudden have one of the NL's best bullpens with Carlos Marmol and Angel Guzman turning nine-inning games into six-inning games.

Then there's Milton Bradley. The only person taking more grief than me for supporting Crazy Uncle Milton is Milton himself. It's hard enough when opposing fans are riding you hard, but Bradley's in a no-win situation with Chicago fans. But slowly and surely, he's starting to get work done.

Over the last month, his batting average has been a pedestrian .258, but his on-base percentage has been an outstanding .417 . He's drawn 18 walks in 19 July games to bump that OBP all the way up to a team-best .382. Two of the walks he drew today came into score, one of which came as he scored from first on Alfonso Soriano's double to left due in part to an excellent slide.

He might not be scorching the baseball, but if Bradley (who's hitting .307 in home games) can get on base at a 40-percent clip in front of Soriano in the six spot.

Speaking of Alfonso Soriano, it looks as if he really has taken a liking to being a middle-of-the-line-up thumper.

The former lead-off man came into today's action batting .392 in the six-hole and that will get a nice boost after a 2-for-4 day at the plate today. He's slugging .692 out of his new home in the order and if he keeps it up, he will clearly surpass the .560 slugging percentage he posted in his last year as a Washington National and first year as a Chicago Cub.

Finally, we end with Rich Harden, whose acquisition was much-ballyhooed last July. This year has been an up-and-down kind of thing for Harden. But in his last three starts, Harden has been flat out nasty.

• 6 IP 3 H 1 R 0 ER 7 K 0 BB (W @ WSH 7/16)
• 7 IP 4 H 1 R 1 ER 6 K 2 BB (ND @ PHI 7/21)
• 6 IP 1 H 1 R 1 ER 8 K 0 BB (W vs. CIN 7/26)

That's a 0.526 WHIP, 10.5 K/BB ratio and a 0.95 ERA in his last three starts.

Despite having each of their top three starters see DL time this year, missing its biggest offensive threat player for a majority of the year, the whining and crying of Mark DeRosa fanboys and jersey chasers ... the Chicago Cubs find themselves in first place.

Here's hoping it can stay that way.

Cubs 5 Reds 2 [ESPN]

TBDS Late Night: Soriano To Second? Here We Go Again

All systems are go on Chicago's man crush on Sam Fuld. While reading Gordon Wittenmyer in the Sun-Times, I came to the conclusion that the Cubs beat guy asked the wrong question in today's piece.

(Me being critical of a beat writer? Why, I never...)

Alas, Wittenmyer should not have asked who should be batting lead-off. Instead he should have asked what he truly wanted to ask. A question I will go out on the limb and ask.

How in the world can Lou Piniella get Sam Fuld in the everyday line-up.

In a small sample size that would make Mike Fontenot look like a giant, Fuld is hitting .368 with an on-base percentage of .455 in 22 plate appearances. In an even smaller sample size, one that would make Mugsy Bogues look like Shaq, Fuld is hitting .545 with a .643 OBP in 14 plate appearances in the top spot in the order.

Usually, Piniella finds a way to ride the hot hand until it burns out. But with balancing a topsy-turvy bullpen, the lack of a back-up catcher and a musical chairs of hilarity in the outfield, Fuld was the odd-man out on the North Side.

In a perfect world, Piniella could place Fuld in center, shift Kosuke Fukudome to right and move Milton Bradley to the bench. But in a perfect world, Jessicas Biel and Alba would be fighting to not lose my love toniiiight Adam Dunn and his career 1.088 OPS at Wrigley Field would be trying to out-hit his fielding deficiencies as a Cub rather than putting up solid, if not, spectacular numbers for the Washington Nationals.

So this is where I suggest shifting Alfonso Soriano to his original position, second base. In the past, I have made this suggestion to get another bat in the line-up. But today, I'm pitching the Soriano-to-second campaign to get a better defender in the outfield.

None of the everyday outfielders is a good defender at the position they play everyday. Fukudome is a right fielder playing center. Once upon a time, Bradley could go get it at any of the three outfield spots, and still has an above average arm in right. But with his injury-riddled past, his next step could be his last. And despite having two good defensive years prior to this one, Soriano has struggled for whatever reason in the outfield.

In my opinion, the Cubs have only two choices in regards to Soriano's defensive positioning. They can either keep him in left field and hope he out hits some mistakes and throws out some others or they can move him to second base where his career OPS would put him among the elite offensive second basemen.

But that's not my decision to make. Thankfully.

Quality Linkage:

Nothing. I read nothing today. But tomorrow, I'll come with something strong.

The Obligatory Carlos Lee-Alfonso Soriano Comparison Blog

I could easily bore you with a rundown of what went terribly wrong in the Chicago Cubs' blowout loss at the hands of the defending world champion Philadelphia Phillies. But I could do that in a few sentences. No pitching. No defense. And lots of offense from the home team.

Instead, I'll approach one of the most controversial topics Cubs fans randomly muse over after nights when Alfonso Soriano plays poorly defensively -- despite a 3-for-4 day at the plate. (He's got .394/.444/.667/1.111 slash stats in 36 plate appearances as the team's No. 6 hitter.)

Don't you wonder if the Cubs would have been better off with Carlos Lee in left field?

Soriano and Lee were the two top free agents of the first John McDonough/Jim Hendry era of spending money to fill gaping holes.

If I remember correctly, Soriano was more of the people's choice as he was coming off a 40 homer, 40 double, 40 steal season despite playing for the Washington Nationals. He also was coming off a stellar defensive campaign in his first year as an outfielder, leading the National League in assists.

Lee was more of the logical choice. Sure, he was a known Cub-killer, but the damage he did against other NL Central teams and during day games gave him the advantage in that perspective. But the Cubs, like many other NL teams, were scared off by the idea that he could balloon into an unmovable blob in left field.

Since coming to Houston, Lee owns a .308 batting average, .360 on-base percentage, .531 slugging percentage and an .890 OPS. But since coming to Chicago, Soriano has been no slouch at the plate, but his numbers compared to Lee's have taken a dive. He's hit .279 with a .327 OBP, .519 SLG and .840 OPS. He has out-homered Lee 78-74, but has almost 100 less runs batted in. But that stat should be served with an asterik, seeing that Soriano has spent a good chunk of his tenure with the Cubs as the team's lead-off hitter.

And while I supported Hendry's decision when he made it, and still support Soriano to this day, I cannot help but wonder if miscasting Soriano as a lead-off man will turn a good signing into a failure. Had the Cubs been truly looking for a middle-of-the-line-up guy, they should have signed Lee, who has hit in the middle of the order his whole career. Instead, Hendry took a calculated risk, and no one could have predicted Soriano's free-fall from the top of the order -- especially when he was leading off games with homers.

In the end, Hendry's biggest misstep might have been the contract size and length given to Soriano. Again, few (if any) predicted this kind of economic downfall, but it's not second-guessing when you have questions about signing a player to a deal through the age of 38 with a back-loaded contract. Soriano has five years and $90 million riding on the remainder of his deal with a full no-trade (I felt I needed to make that seem important). And while Lee's contract isn't much better, as he will make an average of $18.5 million for the remainder of his contract, El Caballo's deal expires a full two years before Soriano's and with his full no-trade protection waved in the last two years of the deal.

If anything, this blog is an indictment of Hendry and manager Lou Piniella. Had Piniella slid Soriano down the line-up earlier, maybe Hendry would have felt a sense of urgency (like the ones he gets when he needs a donut or two) and found a way to acquire a traditional No. 1 hitter. Instead, Kosuke Fukudome, Ryan Theriot and (gulp!) Milton Bradley represent the best top-of-the-line-up guys because of their relatively good on-base percentages.

At this point, only Soriano can save Hendry's legacy as Cubs GM. The Jason Marquis experiment and the Ted Lilly signing are a wash as the Cubs have gotten more than expected out of Lilly, but sold low on Marquis right before a breakout season.

But it will be Soriano who decides where Hendry ranks among Chicago's North Side general managers

Bigger Breaking Video News: Pacman Jones Or Erin Andrews? And Other Things On My Mind

The Internet is back up in my neck of the woods. Three cheers for Verizon Wireless!

Not!

And now that I have access to the free exchange of thoughts online, here are some from my end.

I knew the following things coming into this weekend:

1. Erin Andrews is a good looking woman.
2. The Nationals are bad.
3. Alfonso Soriano doesn't suck as much as you think he does.

Yet, they all made headlines this weekend. Big headlines. Let's tackle these in order, shall we?

Erin Andrews Video vs. Adam 'Pacman' Jones Video

If you're a college age male who happens to like sports and watch ESPN, then Erin Andrews is probably your cup of tea. Erin Andrews has been the apple of my eye since the first day I laid eyes on her. What's not to like? Pretty. Blonde. Sports knowledge. Many men have spent countless hours in labs trying to cook up girls like her and while no one has come close to creating perfection, The Sideline Princess comes close.

So when a grainy video of a naked Erin Andrews (as best detailed by Don Chavez) came out of seemingly nowhere, it snagged headlines from the real newsworthy video of the day.

There, I said it. The Pacman Jones strip club video is more important than the three-minute EA video that no longer exists on the mainstream Internet. Because at the end of the day, it was just confirmed that The Sideline Princess looks good in the buff despite creepy, grainy video. I could have guessed that without the video evidence.

And Jones' video has so much news value. The Las Vegas Review Journal has been doing excellent work with the Pacman/Strip Club stuff all week. If someone could just get some justice from that whole situation, it's a big win not only for the LVRJ, but for journalism in general.

Somewhere the Erin Andrews Legal Crew searches for someone to sue their pants off ... assuming they are not already around that person's respective ankles.

Washington Baseball, That's Nats-y

In leiu of the Cubs' sweep of the Montreal Expos Washington Nationals, I'm going to withhold several punchlines from an upcoming blog. Instead, I'll talk Stephen "The Savior" Strasburg.

Words cannot describe how bad the Washington Nationals are. At 26-65, they're wasting an All-Star season from Ryan Zimmerman and your run-of-the-mill Adam Dunn season that will end with him hitting 40 homers, driving 100 ribbies, getting on base at a .400 clip and a zillion strikeouts. Nyjer Morgan is a poor man's Juan Pierre, while Christian Guzman and Nick Johnson are servicable at their positions.

But the fact of the matter is that one pitcher cannot save this so-called "franchise" from being among one of the all-time worst in baseball history. Not Cy Young. Not Bob Gibson. Not Roy Halladay. Heck, Nolan Ryan could come out of retirement right now and be the ace of the staff at the ripe-old age of 62.

I'd advise Strasburg to not sign with the Nationals and go the J.D. Drew route to avoid that train wreck and hope Bud Selig comes to his senses and retracts the Nationals.

If he's lucky Bud Selig will make the Nationals disappear.

Soriano Swinging The Hot Stick Batting Sixth

I guess I'll take any criticism for defending Lou Piniella for keeping Alfonso Soriano in the lead-off spot. But I guess former Bears defensive coordinator Greg Blache's rant about numbers lying like your brother-in-law is somewhat true.

Since dropping to the sixth spot, Soriano is batting over .300 with an on-base percentage hovering around the .360 spot. He two homers over the weekend, but beyond that, Soriano just looks better at the plate.

His plate discipline has actually gotten better. Part of it is because pitchers aren't necessarily afraid of walking him in front of the likes of Mike Fontenot and Koyie Hill. If I was Sweet Uncle Lou, I'd not only ride this out, but I would try to maximize this.

This is where I suggest Piniella throw's down the hit-and-run sign once in a while. And, to a greater extent, the straight steal sign. If healthy, Soriano has speed to burn and could help spark an offense, that prior to the cure-all that is Nationals pitching, that struggled mightily throughout the first half of the season.

Alfonso Soriano Doesn't Suck As Much As You Think He Does

Judging by my Facebook, e-mail and text message inbox, Alfonso Soriano is the suckiest suck to ever suck. Soriano developed Swine Flu in his evil lair to spread it to the world. He also is the reason gas prices continue to rise throughout the United States. In addition to that, it is Soriano's fault why you can't make it with that girl you've had your eye on for a long time.

Yeah, he's a dick like that.

I'm assuming Soriano's 0-for-4 day at the plate, not to mention being pulled in a double-switch for the (allegedly) defensively inept Jake Fox, was at the core of the inbox implosion.

Other than the things mentioned earlier, here are a few issues that rattled through my mailboxes and were good enough to make it onto this blog.

1. "Alfonso Soriano can't play defense."

• Yes, Bob Brenly once said he could throw a dart in the Cubs dugout and find a better defensive outfielder, but I am assuming the "Soriano's defense sucks" messages came about when he wasn't able to throw out a runner on a sac fly. Now, unless Roberto Clemente rises from the dead, no one is throwing out every base runner. In fact, Soriano has been among the best defenders when it comes to throwing out runners. And upon further inspection, Soriano has finished first in nailing base runners for the last three years. Of course, this all makes sense if you happen to use statistics to judge someone's play rather than your unfounded hatred for Soriano or the Cubs.
  

2. "Alfonso Soriano can't lead off."

• Ever since The Miz called him out, Soriano has fallen on hard times. And I know for the first month of the season, there wasn't a complaint about his offensive prowess. In April he hit .284 with a .364 on-base percentage, a .591 slugging percentage and a .955 OPS to go along with 7 homers and 14 ribbies. The last month-and-a-half has turned Soriano from a star into a scrub. It's tough fighting this fight because people are so narrow-minded with their analysis of a lead-off man. Listen, not every point guard is molded like Steve Nash, nor is every quarterback is in the mold of Tom Brady (because if they were, none of us would be getting laid, ever) and not every lead-off man is going to be a scrappy, grindy underachiever. And while Scott Podsednik's career-OBP batting as a No. 1 hitter is .341, Soriano isn't too far behind with a .339 OBP. Yet, Pods is the greatest of all time, despite having an OPS that is 127 percentage points lower than Soriano's.

3. Soriano pulls better looking girls than I do.

• Can't argue that. Two words: Road Beef.

So whether you're blaming Soriano's defense, offense or ability to get laid while you're hanging on the sidelines on the Cubs' woes, remember that you win as a team and lose as a team. Sure, Soriano is overpaid, but he didn't put a gun to Jim Hendry's head and say pay me $160 million over an 8-year period. Nor did he refuse to re-sign Kerry Wood or agree to trade your beloved Mark DeRosa.

But if you ask Cubs fans, he might as well have done all of that. He is public enemy No. 1, despite being arguably the best asset the Cubs have.

Stat Boy Presents: Change Cubs Fan Can Believe In

It was lights out for the Cubs almost as soon as Albert Pujols launched a first-inning homer that knocked out the 'I' in Big Mac Land. What can I say? I guess that is The Machine's way to say he is ready to move on from the Mark McGwire Era.

And Stat Boy is eager to move away from the era in which Ryan Freel, Mike Fontenot and Aaron Miles patrol third base.

Once upon a time, Freel was a very valuable utility player who averaged 36 steals and a .367 on-base percentage while playing various positions for the Cincinnati Reds from 2004 to 2006. Since then, Freel has strayed away from stealing bases and has wandered over to Craigslist to steal some hearts as he has 21 steals since his hey-day.

And in addition to his 0-for-3 night at the plate, Freel found a way to do the impossible: Overthrow the giant of a Gold Glove winning first baseman also known as Derrek Lee.

Meanwhile, Fontenot continues to struggle, even though manager Lou Piniella moved him back to his natural position of second base. And Miles has been as effective as Mike Damone's five-point plan.

So it's time to get all fantasy baseball in this bitch and invoke some change Cubs fans can believe in.

Radical Step One is going to a local sports equipment store and buying a new second baseman's mitt for Alfonso Soriano, who is making $16 million this year and probably could afford to buy his own glove. Soriano slugged as a second sacker as he mashed 157 homers, posted an .820 OPS and stole 162 bases as a full-timer from 2001-05.

On the other hand, he committed 105 errors at second base in that time.

But second basemen that average 31 homers, 38 doubles, 32 steals and 90 ribbies don't grow on trees. Sometimes the best defense is an offensive attack that will produce long balls, two-baggers and swiped bags.

Soriano's hop and dart-throwing arm in left field would be gone, but not forgotten. Speaking of dart throwing, remember when Bob Brenly said you could throw a dart in the Cubs dugout and find a better defensive outfielder than Soriano.

If I was throwing the dart, it would have hit Micah Hoffpauir.

The life-long Four-A player is what Daryle Ward would have been had he not eaten the entire post-game spread.

Hoffpauir might as well have his name changed to Hoffpower as he has hit .314 with a .372 OBP to go along with four homers and 14 RBIs ... and in 53 less plate appareances has outperformed the Cubs everyday first baseman, who also has four home runs and 18 runs batted in.

"The Hoff" can play left and put Brenly's prediction to the test. And even if he butchers a ball or two (or two dozen), it will matter less if he keeps slugging at a .557 clip.

And at third base, Bobby Scales, please stand up, grab a glove and head over to the area vacated by Aramis Ramirez.

Scales had more hits in his first week in the big leagues than Fontenot and Miles have combined for in their last 14 games combined.

Hopefully on this road trip the Cubs will find their bats while somehow stranding Fontenot, Miles and Neal Cotts at the San Diego Zoo.

Crazy Uncle Milton Would Have Made Sure Judgement Day Came Soon For The Miz

It has been a long time since I cared about wrestling. A lot has changed since then. A black guy is the president of the U.S.A., the Bears have a Pro Bowl quarterback, I need two hands to count the number of girls I've kissed. Unfortunately, the Cubs have still yet to win a World Series.

Enter stage left Alfonso Soriano.

The Cubs' slugging left fielder attended Sunday night's World Wrestling Entertainment (used to be called World Wrestling Federation before the World Wildlife Fund got into the fray) at the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Ill., and was greeted by someone named "The Miz." A character with that moniker sounds like some type of cross-dressing hooker you would find on the other side of the tracks.

Not that I would know anything about that. I digress.

Anyway, after a brief introduction The Miz went on a roasting session of the spectating Soriano, which rated only slightly higher than something a White Sox fan with an elementary education would spew.

Surely there was one Cub that would not stand for such a verbal thrashing, and thankfully for the WWE, he was not in attendance. And that would have been Milton Bradley.

Could you have imagined what would have happened had Crazy Uncle Milton been rolling with Fonzie at this event? Steel chairs and cookie sheets would have been a-flying, tables would have been smashed, baseball bats would have been shoved in unthinkable orafaces and then broken pieces of the bat would have been used to slash the Miz's throat in a fit of rage only seen by the likes of Major League umpires.

And all Vince McMahon would be able to do is watch helplessly and think "This isn't part of the script."

Report from WWE's Judgement Day 2009 [Wrestling-edge.com]

How One Swing Can Erase Three Ks

Carlos Zambrano was flat-out bad today, and all of a sudden what was supposed to be the Cubs' biggest strength is looking like a weakness.

Alfonso Soriano started the day with three strikeouts as he couldn't hit a slider if it was sitting on a tee.

Yet, when the Cubs left fielder came up to the plate in the bottom of the eighth inning, all was forgotten as his two-run home run sailed over the left-center field wall. Carlos Marmol (not Kevin Gregg ... thank goodness) closed out the ninth to secure an 8-7 Cubs win.

This is how Soriano's five home runs break down so far:

• Two lead-off homers. (Cubs win both games).
  
• Two game-winning homers. (Cubs win both games, duh).
  
• One game-tying homer. (Cubs lose in extra-innings).

Let the record show Soriano would have had no shot to hit these home runs if he was not in the lead-off spot. And you know what? He should stay there ... no matter how much former governor Rod Blagojevich disagrees.
Let the record show

Alfonso Soriano wants to silence critics, make Rick Sutcliffe a proud papa

Remember for that one shining moment (sorry, college hoops is still on my mind -- and you'll find out why later) when Cubs manager Lou Piniella flirted with the idea of not batting Alfonso Soriano in the lead-off spot? Yeah. That was short lived.

But the man who would likely lead off if Soriano wasn't at the top of the order, Ryan Theriot seems to side with the Cubs fearless leader.

"[M]an, what a kick it gives you when your leadoff guy can go up there and hit a home run. It changes the mind-set of the game.''

I feel as if Soriano is ready to prove his worth at the top of the order. Once a 40-homer, 40-double, 40-steal guy, Soriano has yet to have a healthy full season in Cubbie blue pinstripes. Despite being brittle, the most polarizing athlete in Chicago hit 33 home runs in 2007 and added another 29 in 2008. Soriano is also batting for a higher average and getting on-base at a higher percentage than at any other time in his career.

So, maybe that lead-off home run on the Cubs' second pitch of the season is a sign of things to come.

At least former Cub Rick Sutcliffe might think so. Gordon Wittenmeyer of the Sun-Times is on the scene:

Former Cubs pitching great Rick Sutcliffe showed up in the team's clubhouse before Monday's opener and headed straight for Alfonso Soriano.

''What did I say when spring training started?'' Sutcliffe said. ''I'm telling everybody you're my MVP. And you're going to prove me right.''

Only one day into the third year of his eight-year mega multi-million dollar deal, the pressure is on Soriano to overcome the injury bug that plagued him in his first two years and make up for not showing up in October in each of the last two postseasons. And if his Opening Day two-hit performance is any indication of what is to come, no one in Cubdom will care where he bats.

Are Alfonso's Days as Top Dog Over?

The talk of moving Alfonso Soriano out of the lead-off spot has already begun.

And I didn't expect anything less from the first few days of Spring Training.

Chicago's North Side fans and certain segments of the media have been clamoring to drop the former 40-40-40 man down in the order to take advantage of the power that comes from Soriano's big bat.

And since his stolen base numbers have drastically dropped since his banner year with the Washington Nationals, these folks actually have a valid case.

Yet, I'll stand by my guns and suggest that Soriano stays atop the lineup.

The Cubs have been one of the league's most potent offenses with free-swinging left fielder leading off. He takes advantage of early-inning mistakes and pummels them over the left-center field wall. He has the potential of stealing second and third base if said ball does not reach the seats or Waveland Avenue.

But like most sluggers, Soriano has been prone to the punchout. And since you can't steal first, it makes it very difficult to take advantage of his speed.

With that said, maybe Soriano should drop to the middle of the order.

But then who replaces him in the No. 1 spot?

Ryan Theriot is a scrappy little player, but scrappy is truly "crappy" with an "s" in front of it. And Cubs fans have chosen to ignore the way he has just fallen apart in the stretch run each of the last two seasons.

Aaron Miles? He of the .329 career on-base percentage and .305 career OBP at the leadoff spot.

For all his faults, and a career OBP of .329 of his own, Soriano has posted a .293/.342/.550/.893 line out of the leadoff spot.

Mike Fontenot is the left-handed version of Theriot, despite his status in Ron Santo's eyes as "Lil' Babe Ruth."

So where are your other options? Fuku? D. Lee? Crazy Uncle Milton?

Yeah, on second thought, unless Brian Roberts finds his former steroid-using self in Cubbie Blue pinstripes, Lou Piniella should just pencil in the most polarizing lead-off man in the history of the game atop his everyday line-up.

Say it ain't So(riano)!

Since the day he signed that massive eight-year $136 million deal with the Chicago Cubs, I've defended Alfonso Soriano.

That ends today.

A few weeks ago, the TBDS' hoops expert informed us that New York Knicks guard Stephon Marbury was clinically insane.

I'm here to say the same about Soriano, via the Daily Herald:

"Keep patient because we have a very good team," Soriano said. "I think everybody is very disappointed. We have a very good team this year, but we didn't get it done. I hope next year we have a very good team then and go a little but farther."

Really, Fonzie? You're not serious right.

Do you realize what you just told millions of passionate, brokenhearted fans after you went 1-for-14 in the biggest choke job in my lifetime?

You just told a fanbase that hasn't won a National League pennant since the World War II, a World Series since the introduction of the Model-T or a frickin' playoff game since gas was at an affordable price to "keep patient."

Yeah, Fonzie, real smart. Like the last 100 years just flew by, right?

This coming from a guy that spent his second-straight October flailing at breaking balls in the dirt in the left-handed batters box.

But wait, The Fonz is not done. Via the Chicago Tribune:

"We're a very good team for [162] games, but we don't do nothing after that," he said. "That's the difference. We're not put together for [a short series]."

Wait, what?

OK, if that's the case, you can give Jim Hendry what's remaining on your contract so he can bring in Manny Ramirez, Adam Dunn, CC Sabathia or anyone that can make the Cubs built for a short series.

Fonzie, if what you say is true then you need to realize that you're part of the problem.

Alfonso Soriano is earning his keep

Alfonso Soriano cashed in on his epic 2006 40/40/40 season with an eight year deal with the Cubs worth $136 million.

Now, the Cubs are looking to Soriano to be money down the stretch.

The Soriano the Cubs and their fans have seen recently is the player they expected coming from Washington. The Cubs are 23-8 since Soriano came off the DL for a second time and has been using all of his tools to help pace the Cubs.

He's throwing runners out at the plate.

He's stealing bases.

And most important of all, he's hitting the cover off the baseball.

He's batting .288 with 22 home runs and 62 runs batted in out of the lead-off spot that no one wants him hitting in. His on-base percentage currently sits at .341 with an OPS of .889. The OBP isn't particularly good for a lead-off man, but would be his best since the .351 OBP he posted in 2006 with the Nats.

If Soriano can atone for the .143/.200/.143 line he posted against the Arizona Diamondbacks in the 2007 NLDS and lead the Cubs to the promised land, no one will care about the $106 million remaining on the back end of his contract

Line-Up Shuffle

Cubs left fielder Alfonso Soriano will likely return to the line-up tonight in the series finale against the D'Bags. And not a moment too soon.

The Cubs offense is mired in a team-wide slump. Other than the nine-run outburst Sunday against the Astros, the Cubs have scored four total runs in the other four games. The worst part is they're wasting quality starting pitching.

So now that Soriano will be back in the line-up, it is up to manager Lou Piniella to figure out how to rebuild what was the most powerful offense in the NL.

My guess: Soriano, Theriot, Lee, Ramirez, Fuku, Soto, Edmonds, DeRo.

I think the Cubs should maybe flirt with the idea of bumping Fuku to the third spot based on his high on-base percentage, dropping Lee to sixth based on all the double plays he's been grounding in to and putting Edmonds in the fifth spot.

Maybe just for a little bit to see the kind of spark the line-up brings. I'd also tinker with maybe Fuku in the seventh spot so when the line-up turns over, Soriano's got the high OBPs of Fukudome and DeRosa on base in front of him.