Follow The Sox? I'd Rather Follow The Blind

If following the Reinsdorfian Model of Success includes making out with Mark Buehrle and jizzing on his head, then you can count me out!

South Siders got it right? Well, not quite.

Chicago Sun-Times columnist is no P.J. Franklin, by any means. So I guess maybe I should take it easy on her in regards to her latest column fodder in which she suggests new Cubs owner Tom Ricketts follows the game plan of the South Side White Sox.

The column reads as if the White Sox were run like a well-oiled machine drowning in a sea of championship trophies.  A little bit of research shows that Carol Slezak obviously didn't do hers.

Let's take a look at the White Sox since 1986, which is a fair point to start from in my case because it marks the first year of my existence.  The South Siders have notched four playoff appearances since the result of my mother and father's mistake I was born.  The first coming in 1993 and the most recent coming in 2008.  From 1987 (my first full year of birth) to 1993, the Sox averaged a little more than 80 wins per year, thanks in part to 267 wins from 1990-92, which helped balance out a .448 winning percentage from 1987-89the.  And unless you're breeding mediocrity, this is not how you want a franchise to be won.

Slezak suggests following the Reinsdorfian model?  Really?  Why would Ricketts want to follow a management group that hired Ken "The Hawk" Harrelson as its general manager, who ended up firing Tony LaRussa?  Sounds almost as silly as handing LaRussa your keys after a night on the town.

Truth be told, the Cubs haven't been much better, making five playoff appearances since being born as they clinched four division titles and a Wild Card spot, too.  As Sleezebag Slezak points out, the Cubs have built an outfield full of losers with Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome and Milton Bradley.

Again, it's easy to ride on Soriano this year, but not a peep was heard from April through September the last two years.  Then, adding Bradley, who led the American league with a .999 OPS last season, should have made the outfield better based on stats alone.  But it's easier to take blinded swipes than it is to log onto baseball-reference.com, I guess.

The only thing the White Sox have on the Cubs, of course, is the most important thing in baseball: A World Series ring.  I could go the route of ignorance and note that the White Sox still play jealous little brother with a snotty (yet, ballsy) GM who pokes more jabs at the Cubs than he does at teams in his own division, a broadcast booth that feeds into a fan-base that acts like a jilted former lover by spewing Cub-flavored Haterade on a daily basis and a Twittering fool (account protected) who had more posts about a team he used to cover than the team he currently covers. This, of course, the same Twittering fool that Steve Rosenbloom wants to anoint as team president despite the fact that he has as much experience in that role as, say, the other celebs he names in his blogcolumn.

All that despite the team's 2005 championship.

Heck, if Ricketts wanted to follow a Reinsdorfian model of success, it should be the Chicago Bulls from 1987 to 1998.  Yes, Reinsdorf and the Bulls lucked into Michael Jordan, but it was what Reinsdorf and the organization's ability to draft and build around His Airness with role players such as Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant, among others.

Acquire. Develop. Win. Profit.

That was the recipe when the Yankees were winning their championships. The Braves used that same methodology to win a bazillion straight division titles. It's the same recipe Ricketts should use when he finally digs into the mess left behind by Sam Zell, Jim Hendry and the preceding ownership group.

However, that looks doubtful amidst this report.  So, how long until Cubs fans will be clamoring for a new owner?

Better yet.

How long until Cubs fans again start clamoring for Mark Cuban?

The One Shining Moment Of The 2009 Season: The Cubs (Finally) Have An Owner

For the first time in my lifetime, the Chicago Cubs have an owner that is not a nameless, faceless organization that also happens to be running a newspaper.

Welcome Tom Ricketts, to an organization that hasn't won a World Series in 100 years and is trying real hard to make it 101.

Tribune scribe Paul Sullivan has 10 suggestions for the new guy, and here are my five.

1. Don't listen to the weirdos. If someone begs you to not change the name of Wrigley Field, tell 'em to Plax themselves. Or if you want to be a nice guy, ask them if they would still care about the stadium's name if it meant the Cubs won a championship in 2010. If they say yes, then you can ignore them. They don't care about winning.
2. Bring in a real GM. Call up Oakland and write Billy Beane a blank check and tell him that he can actually work with a big boy budget. If he doesn't call back, maybe you can get in contact with Paul DePodesta in San Diego. And if you're really interested in a GM that loves to blog, contact me at bigdeadsidebar@gmail.com and we can talk business.
3. Lower beer prices. I'm jumping on Paul's bandwagon. Hopefully one day, I'll be in the press box (which should be expanded somehow if possible) and I won't need to buy beer at Wrigley. Until then, beer prices matter to me.
4. Lower ticket prices. It shouldn't cost me Mark Prior's bum arm, Alfonso Soriano's shoddy legs and Kyle Farnsworth's illegitimate baby to see the Cubs get smoked by an inferior team.
5. Fire Carrie Muskat. There is a young, hungry sports writer who's one goal in life is to be the Chicago Cubs beat writer. Hire me. Now.

Other suggestions include anything on this list (then applying it to Aaron Miles too), saying goodbye to Jim Hendry, bleacher-babe cheerleaders, and bringing in Greg Maddux as pitching coach and Mark Grace as pimping hitting coach. Oh, and there's this Albert Pujols guy who becomes a free agent in 2011 ... hand him a blank check too, while you're at it.

Alright, kiddies. Go celebrate a new day in Cubs lore!

TBDS Late Night: The Curious Case Of Cub Ownership

Megan Fox = Hits right?

A long time ago in a blogosphere far, far away, this blogging outfit presented a feature called TBDS Late Night which reported on late-breaking news and provided games to watch for and links to read at your own peril. Once in a while, yours truly will revive that segment when necessary. This is one of those times.

It seems as if since the beginning of time, fans of the Chicago Cubs have been yearning for a new owner. And who can blame them?

All the team has to show for its time under the Tribune Co.'s ownership run are a handful of division titles and more than two decades worth of heartbreak. It is hard to believe that Trib Co. can claim bankruptcy after basically stealing money from Cubs fans throughout the years without re-investing that into the team until late into the newspaper company's ownership of a baseball team.

Now there's this. One day after reportedly agreeing to a deal to sell the team to life-long Cubs fan Tom Ricketts (of TD-Ameritrade fame), Sam Zell and his gang of cronies also are looking at a deal from Chicago native and New York investor Marc Utay.

This is very eerily similar to an episode of any late-90s, early-2000s romantic comedy sitcome in which the guy has two dates at the same place with two different girls. In most of those episodes, the guy gets dumped by both, making yours truly feel a little bit better about his own dating disasters.

As for this very unique Cubs situation, I have a happy ending that can appease all parties.

Let 'em both buy it.

The Ricketts family apparently had its issues raising the rest of the money to buy the Cubs, so much so that the final bidding price ended up falling short of the $900 million projection. Let the Ricketts and Utay camps come together and share ownership of the team. It seems like a far-fetched deal, but it isn't. For example, Jerry Reinsdorf is the principal owner of the White Sox, but he's got a team of investors ... lots of teams do this.

If Ricketts and Utay really want to get creative, they would make a quick phone call to Mark Cuban and make an ownership super-team with a face that has Chicago ties (Ricketts), the experience of owning a professional sports team (Cuban) and plenty of cash behind the deal with that three-headed monster.

As a Cubs fan, here's hoping this turns out better than those romcom sitcoms I referenced earlier.

Quality Linkage:

• Here comes another stupid idea from ESPN. Who is America's Team? [Awful Announcing]
• Tuesday in a nutshell: Jason Whitlock gets his "Becky" on. People ask me what "getting Becky on" means. I explain. Laughter, confusion, disgust ensue. As MJ Hartwig said "haha white people." [Fox Sports] ["Becky" def.]
• Ron Artest's tribute song to the King of Pop. [The Sports Hernia]
• Obama first pitch odds. Is there anything Pete Rose can't bet on? [Vegas Watch]
  

Where Can I Borrow $500 Million?

It looks like the sale of the Chicago Cubs has hit a snag ... not that it should be news to anyone.

Because the Ricketts family missed a deadline and has only raised $400 million of the $900 million price tag, the sale that was expected to be completed in May, will be delayed.

The longer this plays out, the worse the Cubs will get. Not that what happens in the ivory towers has a direct correlation with what happens on the field, but whoever owns this team right now has his/her/its hands tied right now. In a nutshell, all that means is not to expect high-price mid-season acquisitions, or even possibly a lack of contract extensions at the end of the year.

As for the remaining $500 million, the Ricketts family plans on borrowing it from the outside. College graduates around the nation are wondering where they can get that kind of deal.

Meanwhile, Mark Cuban is furiously texting, tweeting and blogging for the Ricketts family's attention.

Tribune Co. needs a closer to salt away Chicago Cubs deal [Chicago Tribune]

Photo Credit: YardBarker

Tom Ricketts just put Tribune Co. in the black

The Tribune Co. has held the Chicago Cubs and their fans for 28 years.

Their reign of terror is over.

Billionaire Tom Ricketts, who grew up a Cubs fan and met his wife in the Wrigley Field bleachers, has purchased the Cubs for a whopping $900 (pinky finger to the edge of my lip) MILLION DOLLARS!

So, finally, the Cubs and their fans have a face instead of a corporate building downtown to relate to. They have someone who cares about the team as much as they do. That's nice. Now go win a pennant.

Let the record show that Ricketts paid $879.5 million more than the Tribune did when they bought the team back when dinosaurs, 8-tracks and polyester ruled the world.

There are a few things that really heighten my interest in this story.

Numero uno: When you spend $900 million on purchasing the baseball team, how can you go about affording the day-to-day baseball team stuff. You know? Free agents. Taxes. A hot dog at the ball park. I have a problem spending money on beers, hot dogs and more beers at a game. How can someone not flinch at the idea of spending $900 on an entire franchise?

I guess it pays to be rich.

Numero dos: Tom Ricketts is a Cubs fan ... is that a good thing? Will he be willing to throw money at the Cubs as if he was PacMan Jones and the Cubs were his personal strippers? Does he care? Is he going to lead the Cubs to the promiseland?

Numero tres: Will he introduce me to my wife in the bleachers? Dear God I hope so.

Numero quatro: Did Tom Ricketts just save Tribune Co.? Seriously, when you get $900 million for a baseball team, shouldn't that take you out of the red? I think so. Because I know if the DE just added $900 million after selling a baseball team, we would be good for the next ... oh ... 900 million years!

Maybe we should buy the Miners.