Operation Shut Down: Seven Steps The Cubs Need To Take As The 2009 Season Winds Down

So, how long until Lou Piniella gets the memo that the Cubs are done?  THere is no sign like being blasted by the Washington Frickin' Nationals, that's for sure.

When the Cubs were out of it under Dusty Baker, the Cubs continued to trot out Prior, Wood and the rest of the regulars for the sake of a "fair" pennant race for everyone else.  For the record, I don't give two turds about anyone else's playoff races.  The Cubs' season is already spoiled, so I don't understand the point of endangering a key member for the 2010 team for the sake of competition.

So here is an idiot's guide of how to approach the next 39 games.

1. Shut down Big Z, Lilly, Harden & Wells.  Yeah, that's four-fifths of the starting rotation, but they did their jobs this year and there is no point wasting next year's bullets on this year's squad.  Wells is approaching a career-high in innings pitched and Lilly, Harden & Zambrano have each seen some time on the DL this year.  Those are your horses, give them some rest and restart them once February rolls around.

Trot out Dempster, Gorzelanny, Marshall and ...

2. Free Jeff Samardzija.  Let him start.  There's your fourth starter.  $10 million guaranteed and a no-trade clause, let's see what this guy is all about.  Let's see what he has.  If he's got something worth a damn, put him somewhere he can succeed or trade him to a place where he won't invoke that stupid clause.  If all else fails, ship 'em off to Halas Hall.  Jay Cutler might want a new play toy.

3. Rest Ramirez.  While we're on the topic of shutting people down, might as well do that to Aramis.  See if he needs surgery, if so, get it done.  If not, tell him to stay away from cock-fighting this summer before Roger Goodell spanks him.  Let Jake Fox play third every day from here on out.

4.  Send an edict to Alfonso Soriano.  I want at least two stolen bases from you every week from here on out until the season is over.  Also, I want you to play second base.  I want you to take infield practice like Roger Dorn at second base.  That will be your new position because the Cubs need to open up an outfield spot to get a more athletic player to play in those carnivorous cavernous west coast ball parks.

Let's be honest, signing Chone Figgins makes too much sense for the Cubs to do.

5.  Let's see if Carlos Marmol can close.  Lou: "Carlos, you pitch the ninth inning and the ninth inning only, got it?"  Carlos: "Yes sir, Mr. Piniella."  Lou: "Good you (expletive deleted), now get some outs."  That's it.  No need to waste Marmolade in an extra-inning affair -- it's not like you're going to win it anyway.

6. Set up the rest of 2009 bullpen.  One last shut down victim: Angel Guzman.  Shut him down before his arm flies off.  He had a good year, but has been injury prone in the past.  As for the rest of the pen, Piniella should let Justin Berg, Esmailin Caridad, Jeff Stevens and any other youngster who thinks they can pitch at this level do their damn thing and be done with it.  If the Cubs can avoid spending a ton of money on over-the-hill bullpen pitchers, it would be greatly appreciated.

7. Send Aaron Miles & Aaron Heilman away.  Send 'em far away.  Don't let them come back.  Ever.

Soon enough, I'll have an offseason guide that will be more detailed than the irresponsibly early guide.  This one will be chock-full of the similar sarcastic B.S. you get from me any how.  But with real, heart-touching advice.

Milton Bradley & Haterade

 "What are you putting in my Haterade?"

I'm getting sick and tired of defending Milton Bradley.  I do it partially because I feel he has yet to get a fair shake from Cubs fans and the media.  And for probably the first time in this blog's history, I'm linking the media and the fans as Bradley's united front.

Fans belly-ached about the loss of Mark DeRosa so much, the Chicago media hopped on it and made the deal its own crusade in which to fight against Bradley.  Yet, until recently, no blame has gone to the guy who recruited and signed the outfielder to a three-year deal.

It's not like Bradley put a gun to Hendry's head and forced him to sign.

Then there's this in today's Tribune online edition, via Paul Sullivan:

Milton Bradley said after Tuesday's loss he's "never" comfortable playing at Wrigley Field. 

"It's hard to be comfortable when you don't get a hit and get booed every time," he said. "When I go home and look in the mirror, I like what I see. My family is there I have people I can talk to who are very supportive, in spite of everything and all the adversity and the hatred you face on a daily basis. But I'll be alright. I always have."

Of course, Bradley's harshest critic, Steve Stone Dave Kaplan chimed in with his blog as well.

Milton, you don't face hatred. You face a fan base that is frustrated with your play this season and the fact that you were brought here to be a run producer and you have the grand total of  32 RBI's and are hitting just .259. Cubs fans want production and effort but when they see a guy who isn't producing he becomes a target of their frustrations.

Expecting Bradley, whose career high 77 RBIs last year, to be a run producer was a major mistake on Hendry's behalf.  And yes, he does face hatred Kap.  All day every day, he gets to hear from bleacher bums who whack it to posters on their ceilings of Mark DeRosa.  Their disenchantment with Bradley stems from Hendry's wild, unattainable expectations of a lefty-swinging run producer that history has shown is not a lefty-swinging run producer.

Kap should imagine going to work each day and having to hear from his friends and co-workers that he'll never be as good of a baseball writer/analyst as Buster Olney.  Or that he'll never have as good of a radio show as Jim Rome.  All day.  Every day.

That's what it has got to be like for Bradley.

Yes, Cubs fans, you have a right to voice your displeasure toward Crazy Uncle Milton for his .259 batting average, nine homers and 32 runs batted in.  But don't forget to channel some of that anger toward the guy who brought him here and mislabeled him in the first place.

Geez, from the looks of things, Jim Hendry has done nothing but mislabel his entire outfield.

Sounds like a fireable offense to me.  Go get 'em Tom Ricketts.

Follow The Sox? I'd Rather Follow The Blind

If following the Reinsdorfian Model of Success includes making out with Mark Buehrle and jizzing on his head, then you can count me out!

South Siders got it right? Well, not quite.

Chicago Sun-Times columnist is no P.J. Franklin, by any means. So I guess maybe I should take it easy on her in regards to her latest column fodder in which she suggests new Cubs owner Tom Ricketts follows the game plan of the South Side White Sox.

The column reads as if the White Sox were run like a well-oiled machine drowning in a sea of championship trophies.  A little bit of research shows that Carol Slezak obviously didn't do hers.

Let's take a look at the White Sox since 1986, which is a fair point to start from in my case because it marks the first year of my existence.  The South Siders have notched four playoff appearances since the result of my mother and father's mistake I was born.  The first coming in 1993 and the most recent coming in 2008.  From 1987 (my first full year of birth) to 1993, the Sox averaged a little more than 80 wins per year, thanks in part to 267 wins from 1990-92, which helped balance out a .448 winning percentage from 1987-89the.  And unless you're breeding mediocrity, this is not how you want a franchise to be won.

Slezak suggests following the Reinsdorfian model?  Really?  Why would Ricketts want to follow a management group that hired Ken "The Hawk" Harrelson as its general manager, who ended up firing Tony LaRussa?  Sounds almost as silly as handing LaRussa your keys after a night on the town.

Truth be told, the Cubs haven't been much better, making five playoff appearances since being born as they clinched four division titles and a Wild Card spot, too.  As Sleezebag Slezak points out, the Cubs have built an outfield full of losers with Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome and Milton Bradley.

Again, it's easy to ride on Soriano this year, but not a peep was heard from April through September the last two years.  Then, adding Bradley, who led the American league with a .999 OPS last season, should have made the outfield better based on stats alone.  But it's easier to take blinded swipes than it is to log onto baseball-reference.com, I guess.

The only thing the White Sox have on the Cubs, of course, is the most important thing in baseball: A World Series ring.  I could go the route of ignorance and note that the White Sox still play jealous little brother with a snotty (yet, ballsy) GM who pokes more jabs at the Cubs than he does at teams in his own division, a broadcast booth that feeds into a fan-base that acts like a jilted former lover by spewing Cub-flavored Haterade on a daily basis and a Twittering fool (account protected) who had more posts about a team he used to cover than the team he currently covers. This, of course, the same Twittering fool that Steve Rosenbloom wants to anoint as team president despite the fact that he has as much experience in that role as, say, the other celebs he names in his blogcolumn.

All that despite the team's 2005 championship.

Heck, if Ricketts wanted to follow a Reinsdorfian model of success, it should be the Chicago Bulls from 1987 to 1998.  Yes, Reinsdorf and the Bulls lucked into Michael Jordan, but it was what Reinsdorf and the organization's ability to draft and build around His Airness with role players such as Scottie Pippen and Horace Grant, among others.

Acquire. Develop. Win. Profit.

That was the recipe when the Yankees were winning their championships. The Braves used that same methodology to win a bazillion straight division titles. It's the same recipe Ricketts should use when he finally digs into the mess left behind by Sam Zell, Jim Hendry and the preceding ownership group.

However, that looks doubtful amidst this report.  So, how long until Cubs fans will be clamoring for a new owner?

Better yet.

How long until Cubs fans again start clamoring for Mark Cuban?

Whatever happened to Mitch Mustain?

Almost any serious college football fan recognizes the name Mitch Mustain. But whatever happened to him?

Mustain, buried under Aaron Corp and Matt Barkley on the Southern California QB depth chart, is a former high school All-American who take a road less traveled to Los Angeles.

He started at Arkansas, where he elected to stay in-state for college. He followed his high school football coach there under the circumstances that said coach would call the plays and Mustain would take the reins right away.

Former-Razorbacks coach Houston Nutt would have none of this. Mustain's coach, Gus Malzahn, was never given full control of the offense and Mustain was benched after an 8-0 start.

Needless to say, everything went to hell.

After the undefeated start the Razorbacks lost their final three games and Malzahn, Mustain and a host of other recruits were gone. Nutt would soon follow everyone out the door.

Malzahn made a pitstop at Tulsa before taking over the offensive coordinator job at Auburn while Mustain sat out a year to become the heir apparent to Mark Sanchez.

Whoops.

Currently, Mustain finds himself third on the USC depth chart behind two underclassmen in Matt Barkley and Aaron Corp. Mustain is essentially buried alive for the remainder of his college career there unless two catostrophic injuries occur soon.

Corp is actually hurt but Matt Barkley, a freshman, has been taking the majority of the snaps.

Things don't look good for the former-five-star prospect.

Why hasn't he transferred yet is the real question. Is a FCS school on the horizon?

D-Wade Is One Step Closer To Coming To Chicago Because...

Michael Beasley's tweet's of doom and recent trip to rehab make Derrick Rose's summer look like a walk in the park.

Michael Beasley ... welcome to rehab:

Miami Heat forward Michael Beasley checked into an unidentified Houston rehabilitation hospital over the weekend, multiple sources told Yahoo! Sports.

Sources said the Heat encouraged Beasley to check into the facility to address possible substance and psychological issues. He is expected to spend time with former NBA player and coach John Lucas, who is renown for his success in working with troubled players.

Bulls fans, you can also thank a Twitter account (that is now closed) for bringing Beasley's life struggles, well, to life.  As the Yahoo! report indicates.  SuperCoolBeas and his recent troubles make Derrick Rose's summer look like the greatest summer evar ever!

All signs are pointing North for Chicago native Dwyane Wade to come home to play in The House That Jordan Built, Reinsdorf Paid For & Rose Currently Resides.


Heat's Beasley Admitted Into Rehab Center [Yahoo! Sports]

Buck Showalter's Crazy Realignment

A brief outline:

• Four divisions, seven teams
• DH for all
• Bye-bye to both of Florida's teams
• Each team plays each other once in three game sets; one at home and the other on the road
• Four division winners are guaranteed playoff spots. Wild cards are questionable
  

Analysis:

This is probably why Buck Showalter is no longer managing a major league baseball team. This is the most batsh*t crazy idea since -- maybe ever.

He abolishes the two leagues while implementing the designated hitter for all. I'll get to the DH in a moment, but these division races are somewhat of a joke.

This idea feeds into the idea of more ESPN slurping of the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry as it sends the Cubs and Cardinals into separate divisions. Why? There's no explanation. Had he done it for the Yanks & Sawks, there would have been an addendum with a full explanation.

Seriously, if Showalter had the idea of breaking up the Red Sox and Yankees cross his mind, he would have likely been fired on the spot and escorted away by bulky men in black suits and banished from baseball like his name was Pete Rose. There would be mob rule outside of the studios in Bristol, Conn., and my hope is that Chris Berman is used as a sacrificial lamb to appease the angered masses.

As for the DH, my feelings have been made clear for quite some time: Anyone who likes the designated hitter is foolish. These are the same people who complain about players unable to perform the game's fundamentals. Guess what, part of those fundamentals that you learn starting in Little League are hitting and bunting.

I've said it once, I'll say it again: "Having someone hit for the pitcher is like having someone take Shaq's free throws for him."

I agree that 18 times for some of these division rivals is way too much. But seeing some of the best rivalries in baseball only six times in a year is a drastic cut for no damn reason.

Among baseball's biggest problems, realignment should be the least of Bud Selig's concerns. And while a NFL-like realignment seems like a really intriguing idea in principal, Showalter leaves out a very important aspect of the game.

The NBA has two conferences. So does the NFL. If baseball has no conferences, how do we select two finalists?

H/T: MLB Daily Dish

Jacobs 1 Urlacher 0

Long before this web log existed, I suggested that the Bears should select Brandon Jacobs to help assist a running game that was sorely lacking.  The SIU product (by way of Auburn and Coffeyville Community College) ran past, around and through opposing defenses at the Division I-AA level (now known as the FCS) en route to a 1,000 yard season.

The Bears did take care of their running back problem ... by drafting Cedric Benson in the first round of that draft.  And before the Giants swooped in and took Jacobs, the Bears selected Kyle Orton.

Gag.

I'm still convinced that was the best Saluki football team I've ever seen ... and still hold to this day that had then-head coach Jerry Kill let Jacobs control the ball rather than splitting the duties evenly, I would have witnessed a national championship during my time in Carbondale.

Jacobs, nor the Salukis, got that football championship.  But the mountain of a running back did win a Super Bowl ring with the Giants.  I guess that is somewhat of a consolation prize.

On Saturday night, Jacobs conquered another challenge.  Brian Urlacher.

I'll take that pat on the back now.  Thanks.